Into my office she came, full of smiles “where would you like me to go” she happily asked, I did not need her tonight so I asked if she wanted to go home.
The smile faded and her facade dropped. I would like to see my husband, we are trying to fall pregnant.
At that moment I looked staight into her eyes and asked “are you having sex every second day from day 7 – 21?
Her eyes welled up and she stated “everyone is pregnant, my twin sister is pregnant, I’m not”
I get it I have been that person, I have felt that pain, but this was not quite where this conversation went. It started out with the usual stuff, sex making it fun, having naked days and working on connection.
I’m assuming that it was the discussion about connection that make her feel comfortable enough to start talking.
I learnt that her husband spent the first year of their married life away, they have been together since they were 14. More recently he has been treating her very poorly, so poorly that his best friend pulled him aside and had a mates word to him. This led to them having an open hearted conversation, he was feeling pressured to perform, he didn’t feel good within himself. She has been feeling unattractive taken for granted and lonely in her quest for a child. She’s missing her mate. They are talking and he’s doing small things to remind her she’s beautiful and loved, she noted these small things and smiled at the progress they had made.
To add to her pressure, her twin is accidentally pregnant and she’s feeling every bit of it, her mother is in her words self centred and uses her father for money (step father, has been in her life since she was four). There is a younger sister who’s in high school. There are pressures she feels to keep her family afloat, be a support to her mother so her sister dosent suffer and somehow be there whole heartedly for her sister.
I feel this picture sums her up beautifully, a young woman navagitating the challenges of marriage and the heart ache of not being able to conceive. Balancing her family, thinking of others and holding her own. Still smiling with a strong facade facing each day with a little bit of strength, hope and sadness. Oh and guts as these conversations she’s having with her hubby and sister are not easy ones.
Oh and in the midst of all of that, she’s about to study and she works full time giving to others both patients and colleagues some of whom are pregnant.
Funny how and where this conversation started and ended.